Watching a Full Life Come Full Circle

Circle-of-Life-635x476A few decades ago, once a month for a week for a few years, I’d pack my bag, drive up the road to the Nechi Institute: Centre of Indigenous Learning and co-teach modules for their Advanced Counsellor Training program.  Sometimes I’d be paired with the same staff trainer, making the dance of co-teaching more fluid with time.  On other occasions, when those trainers were taking Nechi’s programs to other parts of Canada and beyond, I’d be partnered with guest faculty.  Always a rich learning experience taking me to my edges as I immersed in First Nations-Metis culture and came face to face with anxiety, prejudice and racism – mine, theirs, ours.  I remember particularly the week I worked with Vera, an Eastern Cree medicine woman.

We were studying individual and families.  Drawing from my clinical social work training, my role was to give theoretical credibility to the curricula, introducing established clinical frames.  I looked to my co-teachers and students for help to contextualize this into indigenous worldview.  In this case, Vera helped us see how a life fully lived comes full circle: that we leave the world much as we came into it, small and frail, with the characteristics of an infant, depending on others for life.

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A few weeks ago, The Scientist and I made the trip “home” to visit our families, to celebrate my father’s 85th birthday, to spend time with his parents.  Both in their nineties, in January they made the overnight move from the house they purchased after emigrating from Germany in the mid 1950’s, into a retirement-care facility to support his father’s declining health.  A farm mechanic who finally applied his trade as after serving in WW II and being taken prisoner of war – “came home no longer a boy, but a man who I fell in love with,” blushes his wife – Dad still received calls for help from the Niagara farmers well into his eighties. Two summers ago, still vibrant with a strong embrace and hearty laugh.  Now, small and frail, using a walker, eating pureed food.  When not sleeping, looking around with wide-eyed curiosity, yet less and less present to in-the-moment conversations.  One foot in this world and the other in the next.

As I bent to kiss him good-bye on the cheek, I thought of Vera’s lesson and saw the truth of it in my father-in-law, a man who now was becoming more child-like in appearance and disposition.

As we drove to the airport to make our return home debriefing the highs and lows of our visit, The Scientist said he heard his father quietly say in a moment of crystal clarity, with his family bustling around as he sat at the kitchen table,  “I’m happy.”

The simple, sweet statement of what has always given him joy.

For Old Age

May the light of your soul mind you.

May all your worry and anxiousness about your age

Be transfigured.

May you be given wisdom for the eyes of your soul

To see this as a time of gracious harvesting.

May you have the passion to heal what has hurt you,

And allow it to come closer and become one with you.

May you have great dignity,

Sense how free you are:

Above all, may you be given the wonderful gift

Of meeting the eternal light that is within you.

May you be blessed;

And may you find a wonderful love

In your self for your self.

John O’Donohue

 

Creating Relational, Cross-generation Spaces

ulab-overviewFor the past two months, together with over 25,000 others, I was part of an experimental global learning community hosted by Otto Scharmer and his team at MIT.  Called the U.Lab, it was a six week experiential journey down and up the U, as in Theory U, bringing to life Scharmer’s most recent book, Leading from the Emerging Future (2013).  In addition to deep listening practice, “tweeting impressions,” reading, posting and responding to reflections, contributing to “wordle” summaries, and hosting a weekly face to face learning “hub” in my local library, I viewed several hours of video presentations by Otto and interviews with guest faculty, including his mentor, Peter Senge.

In the final week, and last segment of Peter’s interview, he said a few things that deeply resonate with me and give affirmation to my work:

“Well, I think a lot of the most important leadership will come from people in their 20s, and actually people 10 years earlier.”

“And, again, it’s a real tragedy when people are so busy, trying to get it done, that they’re not paying attention to the relational space they create. Because this relational space they create is what will determine what gets done.”

On Being Parker CourtneyOne morning last week, while sitting with my dear old Peggy dog, I tuned into one of Krista Tippett’s podcasts from her wonderful On Being website.  Titled “The Inner Life of Rebellion,” it featured Quaker elder, educator and activist Parker Palmer, and journalist entrepreneur, Courtney Martin, in a cross generational conversation about the inner work of resilient, sustainable social change.  Listening, I was particularly struck by their genuine respect for each other, and to their mutual commitment to creating relational, cross-generation spaces in which to share and witness the stories that have potential to transform us and our world.

During and since, it’s been my heart’s delight to be in several of these spaces, from the evening where fourteen of us gathered to consider how we might work together “unusually” (and I had the sudden, somewhat daunting realization that for the first time I was the oldest in the room!), to the sorta-surprise morning birthday party at the Duchess for one of our younger friends who left family abroad to make family and life here, to the monthly community of practice meeting I co-founded from the Leading in Emergence learning labs.  Intended as a “practice field,” a safe space to allow our alumnae to prototype the new behaviours, mindsets and cross boundary collaborative cultures (Leading from the Emerging Future, 246), I participated, again as the oldest in the room, in a thoughtfully hosted conversation on how safe space is created within government and with its constituents.

copy-cropped-InsideOutsideLeadershipHeader8I look ahead, with the energy and promise of our lengthening days, to knowing I will soon, again, have the honour of cohosting two such spaces.  In early June, together with Marg Sanders, we’ll be gathering with twenty women for our third annual Inside Outside Leadership weekend, this year focusing on transitions.  And in late September, I’ll be co-facilitating a Peerspirit Circle Practicum with Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea, and Beth Sanders.  As Christina and Ann are actively transitioning out of this teaching work, it may well be their final training, as they pass the torch to others of us in The Circle Way community. P1060618

If you are yearning to sit in, or are keen to polish your skills in convening such rich spaces, please click on the above links for details and registration.  I’d love to have you join us and welcome you to take your place.